Friday, October 31, 2008


What's up y'all..long time, no diary...
I am sitting in my bedroom trying to memorize these Rufus songs I am singing with them in Japan next week. I am not retaining lyrics like I used to..I guess I'm getting old!
I was just chillin' and I realized something. I don't yearn for,think about,wonder about,or try to figure out my ex-boyfriend anymore. I just realized that I wasted 9 months crying and being depressed,and now I don't feel anything. I mean I hope he's happy,but I don't have that desire or longing in my heart for him anymore,but I'm still a romantic at heart and I can hardly wait for my Prince to show up whoever he is. I will always pray for him,and I will continue to be happy with my life until he comes. It felt like it took forever for me to get over my ex. But thank GOD I'm here! And I am looking for a new love...whooo-hooo!!!

It made me feel so good!!
I had to vote early because I am going to California to rehearse with Rufus.
Isn't that wild?? I am singing with my favorite band from my childhood!! WHAT THE HECK??
I hope they dont expect me to try to sing like Chaka...she is the EVERLASTING QUEEN of JAZZ-FUNK..I'm just trying to help out,and I will be MAYSASIZING the songs I
Alright I gotta go back to memorizing....'I'm a woman..and i'm a backbone..!!
See ya!!
Oh!! I hope I get back to number one on the Billboard Contemporary Jazz Charts!!(we r number 2 this week) And climb the R&B charts again..this week I fell all the way to 40 but at least Im still TOP 40 on Billboard!!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Weary...but holding knowing...

Hey y'all..

I'm sitting here in Los Angeles at a hotel,waiting to leave to go to Jakarta tomorrow to sing with Jeff Lorber,Najee and probably Incognito.

My life,for the last month or so has been absolutely crazy.

I mean thank God everyone is still alive and well,God knows I am grateful for that.

But ever since I made my dream board,it seems like a hurricane has entered my world.

I feel like I am seriously in a coccoon,growing,changimg,truly metamorphosizing.

Maybe God put the idea for Metamorphosis so strongly in my spirit because He knew I was going to be in this place at this time.

I talked with Him today. I sat in this room,sometimes in the dark,so I could be open to hear what He is trying to tell me. I meditated,I cried,I slept,and I asked God why was I here alone? Usually I would have my friends with me,my ex-boyfriend would have been with me possibly,but now I am in this room trying to figure out why I feel so sad.These people who would be with me ,we aren't even speaking right now.

I won't get into why,but they hurt me real bad,and I am just moving on.Actually,I'm ok with it. Looking forward to my life which starts every morning when I wake up.

I have some of my best friends here in LA,I have hung out a little with them,but today I could,wouldnt let them see me this way. I wanted to spare them the look on my face that is getting harder and harder to hide.

I am blessed, I know. I have a career that still,after 17 years,has the potential to grow beyond my dreams at any minute.I have been able to take care of my family with my voice. That is huge! How blessed I am. I know that big break I have been waiting for could be around the corner,and I know I have to hang on and believe and have faith.

But I am so tired.

I was dreading the 21 hour flight I have to take tomorrow,but then it came to me..

I am flying to a beautiful tropical paradise. Flying in style,getting PAID,and singimng to people who have survived a horrible tragedy. I am honored to be able to sing to everyone who comes to the festival. I am grateful GOD. 21 hours? Whateva.

I miss my family. Jazz wants me to come back home. But i gotta do this. I am an independent woman. I promised my father I would take over for him as much as I could.

I just want to travel safely and get home.


I am truly changing. The weight loss has been slow. I am told I am not eating enough food. But I dont have an appetite. Today I ate some mixed nuts and salad and some water. Feel a little hungry right now. Gotta get used to eating 5 small meals a day. Jump start my metabolism,time to melt down.

Met someone new. Someone who appreciates my music.  Made a connection.Almost magical one. A spiritual one. He's a nice man.

Meeting Jill Scott...

Was great. She gave a fantastic show,and showed me so much love when I went to meet her after. Made me feel great because she showed me genuine love between musical sisters.

Don't get that too much. A lot of jealousy and backstabbing I have experienced.

To my friends who have helped me through the last few months. I love you. To the people who walked out of my life. Thank you. I still love you.

See ya later y'all..

Talk to u from Jakarta.