Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Weary...but holding on..faith... knowing...

Hey y'all..

I'm sitting here in Los Angeles at a hotel,waiting to leave to go to Jakarta tomorrow to sing with Jeff Lorber,Najee and probably Incognito.

My life,for the last month or so has been absolutely crazy.

I mean thank God everyone is still alive and well,God knows I am grateful for that.

But ever since I made my dream board,it seems like a hurricane has entered my world.

I feel like I am seriously in a coccoon,growing,changimg,truly metamorphosizing.

Maybe God put the idea for Metamorphosis so strongly in my spirit because He knew I was going to be in this place at this time.

I talked with Him today. I sat in this room,sometimes in the dark,so I could be open to hear what He is trying to tell me. I meditated,I cried,I slept,and I asked God why was I here alone? Usually I would have my friends with me,my ex-boyfriend would have been with me possibly,but now I am in this room trying to figure out why I feel so sad.These people who would be with me ,we aren't even speaking right now.

I won't get into why,but they hurt me real bad,and I am just moving on.Actually,I'm ok with it. Looking forward to my life which starts every morning when I wake up.

I have some of my best friends here in LA,I have hung out a little with them,but today I could,wouldnt let them see me this way. I wanted to spare them the look on my face that is getting harder and harder to hide.

I am blessed, I know. I have a career that still,after 17 years,has the potential to grow beyond my dreams at any minute.I have been able to take care of my family with my voice. That is huge! How blessed I am. I know that big break I have been waiting for could be around the corner,and I know I have to hang on and believe and have faith.

But I am so tired.

I was dreading the 21 hour flight I have to take tomorrow,but then it came to me..

I am flying to a beautiful tropical paradise. Flying in style,getting PAID,and singimng to people who have survived a horrible tragedy. I am honored to be able to sing to everyone who comes to the festival. I am grateful GOD. 21 hours? Whateva.

I miss my family. Jazz wants me to come back home. But i gotta do this. I am an independent woman. I promised my father I would take over for him as much as I could.

I just want to travel safely and get home.

METAMORPHOSIS.

I am truly changing. The weight loss has been slow. I am told I am not eating enough food. But I dont have an appetite. Today I ate some mixed nuts and salad and some water. Feel a little hungry right now. Gotta get used to eating 5 small meals a day. Jump start my metabolism,time to melt down.

Met someone new. Someone who appreciates my music.  Made a connection.Almost magical one. A spiritual one. He's a nice man.

Meeting Jill Scott...

Was great. She gave a fantastic show,and showed me so much love when I went to meet her after. Made me feel great because she showed me genuine love between musical sisters.

Don't get that too much. A lot of jealousy and backstabbing I have experienced.

To my friends who have helped me through the last few months. I love you. To the people who walked out of my life. Thank you. I still love you.

See ya later y'all..

Talk to u from Jakarta.

Maysa

7 comments:

chawklitt said...

Hey Maysa,
My friend, Christian told me about your site and journal so I figured I'd check it out.  Sounds like things have been kinda rough but prayerfully they will get better.  I originally came on to check it out because I understand you'll be performing here (NY) in a couple of months and I will be there. So, it was initially about me being a fan of your music and incredible voice but after reading your journal, I decided to refocus my commentary.  While I still look forward to seeing you in person (yay!!), I do want say I can relate to your struggles including the Weight Watchers Smart Ones (I like the Penne Pollo).  I think being grown up is hard. It always seemed so much easier before we got here, like as teenagers it seemed like adults made EVERYthing a big deal. Relationships, of any type, can take you through the span of emotions.  Sorry some your recent ones have been painful. I hope things get better.  With regard to the exercise and working out...I'm feeling you on that too.   My friend, Christian, tries to get me out walking with her but it's cold and frankly, I'm probably lazy so it has been a tough sell. Too bad you don't live closer we could have a lil' walking group.  I'm not going to even talk about eating because I'm a nighttime/emotional eater and given that it's night who knows were that will lead...Anyway, will keep you in prayer,keep your head up...

Peace & Blessings,
Valarie

ecmandassoc said...

Hey Maysa,

I feel your pain woman.  I live in DC and friends always come and go.  I want to give a little advice if I could???  Just rely on God.  He has no desire for you to go through any pain, he will always be there.  The past year, I had to put my expectations to the side to see what he wants me to do.  

You know, you often speak of a "Big" break...what if the bigger things in your future have nothing to do with a big selling album.  Maybe your connections established today are for you to help an entire community in ways you never thought of.  Get out of the dark room...let in the light and just wait to see what happens next.  Safe travels.

Barbara (your sister in DC)

nortonjede01 said...

Hey Maysa,

What a Great surprise to find this site ! My Name is Norton from South Brazil. I met you in 1992 when I was living in London at The Cascades Tower ( docklands )
I remember of a girl that introduced you to me, I can't remember her name but she dances in the video of Don't you worry about a thing ( I gess that's the songs name ) So, I must say your voice is marvelous and is nice to see that you still singing so great. Trully hope to see you again and if you hve the contact with that girl ( I think she was the saxophonist's girfriend ) give to her a big Brazilian hug, and of course a BIG ONE to you!!!Good Luck!

Norton

anointedcog49 said...

HI SISTER MAYSA,

JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOUR WORK AND I AM TRULY A BIG FAN.  I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU.

I MYSELF HAVE RECENTLY BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW, AND I HAD TO CALL ON OUR FATHER TO.

A VERY DEAR FRIEND OF MINE SENT ME AN EMAIL WRITTEN BY T.D. JAKES.  IT SAID...........

IF PEOPLE THAT SAY THEY LOVE YOU CAN JUST WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE, THEN LET THEM WALK.  GOD WILL PUT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE FOR REASON, AND HE WILL REMOVE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE AS WELL, ESPECIALLY IF THOSE PEOPLE WILL HINDER YOU.

I KNOW IT HURTS BUT SOMETIMES WE'VE JUST GOT TO STAND STRONG ON THE WORD OF GOD,  AND KEEP MOVING.  IF I CAN DO IT,  I KNOW YOU CAN.  YOU ARE AN ANOINTED CHILD OF GOD, AND A BEAUTIFUL TALENTED SISTER WITH A GOOD HEART AND A KIND SOUL, AND WHEN YOU SING, OH MY GOD
THE HAIR STANDS UP ON THE BACK OF MY NECK, AND ARMS.

YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED MY SISTER.  HOLD ON BECAUSE GOD IS NOT DONE WITH YOU YET.  HE'S GOING PUT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT WILL BRING YOU LOVE, PEACE AND HAPPINESS AND SO MUCH JOY, AND THEY WONT BE THERE FOR A REASON, OR A SEASON BUT FOR A LIFETIME.

I'M GOING TO PRAY FOR YOU.  EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.   GOD SAID IT WOULD.  JUST HOLD ON

TILL NEXT TIME BE BLESSED

LOVE, PEACE & BLESSINGS,

SOOKIE

Scott McLean said...

Your blog looks very interesting so i'll do more reading. take care and best wishes!

ALELACHI6567 said...

HI MAYSA,
THE LATE PHYLLIS HYMAN HAS A SONG REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. TAKE A LISTEN. I GAVE THAT SONG TO MY MOTHER WHO WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AND I HAD TO TELL HER ALL THE TIME "THE FOUNDATION THAT YOU'VE BUILT OVER THE YEARS IS WHAT IS GOING TO KEEP YOU" REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN STACKING EXPERIENCES YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO BUILD THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE TODAY. DON'T LET ALL THAT YOU KNOW GO BY THE WAYSIDE AND IF THE LAST ONE DIDN'T GET IT THE NEXT ONE SURE WILL AND WHAT A BLESSING YOU'LL BE. TAKE CARE, BY THE WAY I'M LISTENING TO YOUR "FEEL THE FIRE" ALBUM NOW GIRRRRL YOU ARE THE EXPITOME OF WHAT SILKY SOUL IS ABOUT. MUCH LOVE, LISA.

bonnie bianco said...

women judge me on my looks and i lose that game.i've never asked a woman out and i never will. i'll die sad and alone and death can't come soon enough.